Attachment difficulties

Attachment is the deep connection made between a child and their main caregiver in the early years of life.

This connection helps you feel safe, capable and loved, giving you confidence to explore new things and manage different situations. A strong connection is vital to help you develop your social, emotional and intellectual needs.

Sometimes, strong attachments do not form or can get disrupted due to different reasons. This might be because your main caregiver has become unwell and is less able to care for you.

Emotional and behavioural difficulties can develop when you feel less safe and secure, causing what is known as insecure attachment or attachment disorder.

You might notice some of the following difficulties with insecure attachment or attachment disorder:

Difficulty controlling and expressing your emotions, such as anger.
No smiling or response when interacting with adults.
Using extreme measures to gain attention.
Finding it hard to trust people and to build positive relationships.
Disliking change and feeling the need to be in control of situations.
Struggling to show affection and disliking being touched.
Difficulties at school, including poor concentration, relationships with friends and teachers, disruptive behaviour and often getting into trouble.
Low self-esteem and feeling unloved.
Engaging in self-injury.
Developing drug or alcohol use.

If you think you, your child or young person you care for might be experiencing attachment problems, it is helpful to make notes on the following before you seek further support:

Behavioural problems and/or emotional issues you have seen.
Personal history, for example, details relating to the pregnancy, birth and early stages of the child’s life.
Medical history, any medication, or significant injuries/illnesses.
Any major life changes or stresses your family has gone through.

If you already have a diagnosis of attachment difficulties or you are waiting for an assessment to be diagnosed, there are lots of services to support you with your mental health and wellbeing.

People with attachment difficulties can experience all the things that others without the condition may struggle with, like anxiety or low mood.

CAMHS supports people with attachment difficulties who also have other mental health problems. Visit here for further information about the support you might need.

If you are concerned that you, your child or young person you care for is showing attachment difficulties, Childline offers support to anyone under 19 years through telephone chat, one-to-one counsellor chat and email support. Contact 0800 11 11.

Mental health and wellbeing support agencies that everyone can access

The Mix: offers support to anyone under 25 years on anything that’s troubling them. They have free email support, webchat support and a short-term counselling service. Contact 0808 808 4994.
Creative Youth Network: offers advice and support, no matter what your situation or background.
Off The Record: sign up to groups such as Resilience Lab or Mind Aid to learn more about anxiety and develop some coping strategies. Sign up to groups or one-to-one therapy with a professional. Or instead, build your confidence and interpersonal skills through Pro Real, their virtual reality-based form of counselling.
Kooth: join an online mental wellbeing community and talk to a trained counsellor through their chat function. Visit the online forum for peer support and to hear from others experiencing similar difficulties.

Looking after a child or young person with attachment difficulties is a challenging experience. The most important approach is to make a child or young person feel safe and seek support from trusted people around you.

You can help a child or young person feel safe and secure by:

setting consistent limits and boundaries, clearly explaining why they are in place.
remaining patient, calm and non-judgemental.
being physically and emotionally available.
being curious and sensitive to their thoughts and feelings.
repairing relationships following any difficult times.
creating opportunities for success to increase self-esteem.
providing praise for effort and achievement. Be specific with this praise.
allowing opportunities for one-to-one attention.
engaging in activities or work together.

Reading resources

The Explosive Child, by Ross W. Greene.
Feelings and Emotions: Feeling Angry, by Katie Douglas.
A series of books on attachment, written by Sir John Timpson CBE.

Further information

NSPCC

Caring for a child or young person with attachment difficultiesis a challenging experience. The most important approach is to make a child or young person feel safe and seek support from trusted people around you. We recommend reading the following resource for helpful information: Advice on Adverse Childhood Experiences.

You can help a child or young person feel safe and secure by:

setting consistent limits and boundaries, clearly explaining why they are in place.
remaining patient, calm and non-judgemental.
being physically and emotionally available.
being curious and sensitive to their thoughts and feelings.
repairing relationships following any difficult times.
creating opportunities for success to increase self-esteem.
providing praise for effort and achievement. Be specific with this praise.
allowing opportunities for one-to-one attention.
engaging in activities or work together.